Archive for the ‘Oz’ Category

British American Tobacco has infuriated the Australian Attorney-General Nicola Roxon by branding some of its European Winfield packets with a kangaroo and the slogan: “An Australian favourite” … As BAT prepares to launch a legal battle against the Australian federal government’s plain packaging laws, the Attorney-General said the packets were outrageous. Roxon, who got her rocks off in her previous post as Health Minister by banning branding from cigarette packets from December 2012, is using it as an example of why branding should be scrapped. If they needed a smoking gun this was it…


In days of yore and naval gore an active aquatic pastime involving planks was walking one, usually with the encouragement of ill-dressed, one-eyed pirates with dead parrots, before taking a terminal plunge. There were few encores.
The new more passive pastime is planking-which involves somebody lying flat on their stomach in unusual or different environments. The interior of collapsed rugby scrums doesn’t count….


It’s three decades since the arcade and later online game Pac-Man* was let loose. The gobbling goblins symbolized the 8os, the omnivorous decade of greed, though it was really only a warm up for the more recent shambolic shenanigans of the global financial system in its fading sub-prime. Now Westpac CEO Gail Kelly is poised to become the NZ$70 million WestPac-Woman if the bank’s shareholders okay another round of long-term share incentives for the Australian bank’s dragon lady, headhunted from St George’s Bank three years ago…


…We now know that, despite widespread publication in several newspapers, the apparently unconscionable incontinence of Kiwi-born Getty Images photographer Scott Barbour in leaking the All Blacks defensive tactical diagram* didn’t derail the ABs…
I can now reveal that the purported Flash Harry exposure by the male Mata Hari from Harihari was actually a carefully planted leak by a patriotic double agent working hand in glove with the NZRU.
Close inspection reveals that Graham Henry was actually holding a blown up photocopy of Rodney Hide’s shirt cuff notes for Dancing with the Stars *(“Item 1: The Quick Step-Dancing your political party partner to the right”). ..


Having earlier been swept out of a Broome tavern for being drunk, itinerant tourist Michael Newman clocked up his Warhol quarter of an hour of fame by climbing into the enclosure of a 5 m crocodile at a local crocodile park and sitting on its back because “he wanted to give it a pat”.*

Luckily for him but unfortunately for the health of the gene pool, it didn’t cost him at least an arm and a leg, the minimum fee usually exacted by large saltwater crocs for close encounters of the fourth kind…


Forget all the other allegations: no true cricket lover could countenance in the top job anyone who bowled as embarrassingly as this.


By extraordinary coincidence, given the current financial constraints, most members of the New Zealand Cabinet managed to be in Australia just the day before last night’s crucial Bledisloe Cup rugby game, to take part in a serendipitous joint Cabinet meeting with their Australian colleagues.