Muddle-Earth Exclusive: Wellington Drying


“The reality is even Wellington is dying and we don’t know how to turn it around. All you have there is government, Victoria University and Weta Workshop.”
PM John Key

While never the twain shall meet the Prime Minister has made it clear  that he  fully agrees with the sentiments of the late Samuel Clemens that the reports of Wellington’s death have been greatly exaggerated*.

At a Beehive Press Conference today Mr Key said that, when addressing Takapuna business leaders last week, he obviously meant to say that “even Wellington is drying” after the cessation of recent heavy rain.

Rain Fade?

Acknowledging that this could be termed another case of rain fade the PM said that he’d certainly had drying out on his mind recently pending today’s Aaron Gilmore Wine Press Conference* and, like the List MP, he had simply made an understandable slip of the tongue.

But he denied uttering the words après moi le déluge during his Takapuna speech and said he’d never use those words in Auckland.  He’d merely pointed out that the weather forecast for the upcoming weekend for much of the country was wet and windy. He had, he said, however, made an unfortunate and possibly misunderstood pun by saying “wetter workshop” rather than Weta Workshop. He promised not to make a hobbit of it.

Capital Economic Forecast

Mr Key reiterated that, rather than dying, Wellington is actually booming. Employment rates in the city look set to jump following last week’s Government twin initiatives to both ramp up and legalise the internal surveillance of New Zealand citizens. “If this boost to the Intelligence  Services is not an intelligent use of Government resources then I don’t know what is. Mr Dot Com can like it or lump it. Full Stop.”

He said that Courtenay Place is also a real economic goer, especially at nighttime during the Wellington Sevens*.“The Sevens themselves have the potential to grow to a Wellington Fifteens tournament by the 2017  budget and help balance the budget.”

List MP 100% Purée?

The Prime Minister refused to comment on whether Mr Gilmore would still be playing for the parliamentary rugby team in 4 years and denied that the List MP was on a National Party List blacklist. “Mr Gilmore is a party stalwart who has been put through the media blender over the last week and is under a lot of strain. Some say he should get out of the kitchen and wait on tables but we say even Master Chefs have a bad day occasionally, especially in places like Auckland.”

*Blinks  Vid  Courtenay Place, Alan Galbraith aka Silverfox.
(See this great music video here, buy the whole CD at )

#Lyall Lukey  7 May 2013 My other (bit more serious) blog



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