The Tattooed Lady-A Bum Deal?


“The way I see it is it’s going to be on my bum and it is something I can look back on in the future and remember this point in my life.” Tina Beznec*

To see this new pointille ink work she certainly will be looking back for anatomical reasons, but she’s obviously looking forward to the money.   Kiwi Tina Beznec, 23, the bees knees in her own estimation-and if we haven’t got self-esteem what have we got?-has taken the TradeMe site rather literally to create the online auction “YOUR Tattoo on my Bum!!”.

Tastefully the auctioned tattoo will be no bigger than 9cm by 9cm and the winner can watch it being done on January 21, the day after the auction closes. Tina may not know that this is appropriately the anniversary of both the end of the Battle of the Bulge in 1945 and of the release of Hitchcock’s movie “Rear Window” in 1954, which featured that other star Grace Kelly.

If not quite as long lasting as Warhol’s predicted fifteen minutes of fame for each and every one of us, Tina’s tat is good for a good five minutes-with at least five more to come as the auction countdown proceeds.

A Class Act?
As all entrepreneurs know there are always nay sayers. Tina’s  scheme seems to some a cheeky-even tatty-way of making some money. “Class. Some people just don’t have it,” one jealous reader harrumphed; but there are no signs yet of the market bottoming out. Bidding reached the reserve price of $10,000 some days ago.

The Tattooed Lady* is already sporting five tiny Tina tattoos from her amateur days, but if  the auction really pays off, and signs are obviously promising,  with respect to her skinflint critics and with true Christian forbearance, she can simply turn the other cheek.

Many thought  pioneers proceed from a priori  principles; Tina’s approach is definitely a posteriori. It has already triggered copy cat tat on-line auctions. Other bodily parts and appendages will feature in the emerging epidermal epidemic.

 With only finite amounts of cute cutical real estate available it is obvious that the plumper the skin donor the better, if you get the point. This meshes in nicely with the country’s obesity trend. We don’t want any skinny dipping in our 100% pure and pristine waterways, thank you. 

If we can’t bridge the wages gulf vis a vis Australia let’s have a good shot at filling the gap domestically. We’ve had an overdose of trickle down economics: here’s to a bottom up approach. Bottoms up!

Possible Tats?
The serious bidders all appear to be businesses or advertising agencies. I can now reveal that the following logos and slogans are in hot contention:

Behind with your payments?  See us first.    (Picture of red bank statement) Joe’s Loans

Óur cars don’t cost an arm and a leg. (Picture of black old dunger)  Gerry’s Cars

Diamonds and tattoos are forever . (Picture of tatooed diamond). De Beer Consolidated Mines Ltd

It will be very tasteful. Yeah right!  (Picture of two tuis) Tui (De Other Beer)

You Too Can Have A Body Like Mine. (Picture of dumbbelle)  Charles Atlas

Toilers in Agriculture! Strengthen the fodder basis of animal husbandry! Raise the production and sale to the state of meat milk eggs wool and other products! (Picture of  hammer and sickle)    Communist Party Soviet Union (in temporary recess).

My bottoms are tops (Picture of 9cm by 9cm label)  Gloria Vanderbilt Jeans

The next big thing. (Picture of device)  iPod mini

Just do it up.   (Picture of crosstrainer lace) Nike

The Kingston Trio – The Tattooed Lady – YouTube     Stringing people along-a great old song! Vid

#Lyall Lukey 18 January 2012 My other (bit more serious) blog 


One Response to “The Tattooed Lady-A Bum Deal?”

  1. 1 Geoff McDonnell

    Lyall, this lady’s desire for and way of raising money has reminded me of that great literary epic every New Zealand schoolboy studied down behind the bikesheds, Shagger Pete.
    The immortal lines in that literary epic come to mind…….
    “He pinned her screaming to the grass
    and through the tissues of her….
    Its good to see that we can still find plenty of humour out there and I see that the final value of her rear end was $12,450.

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