The Rugby Jersey Boys and the New Black


“The decision is certain to ruffle a few Kiwi feathers and could even spark a diplomatic row with the host nation before a ball has been kicked,” The Daily Mail

From the Black Death through to Blackbeard*, who could still teach them a thing or two, onto the disgraced media import Conrad Black who was without a peer until Rupert Murdoch came along,  and who is now without a peerage, the blackguard English know a thing or two about the dark arts.

As we now know the England team is to wear an all-black strip at the Rugby World Cup in their opening game against Argentina on 10 September.

”Of all the colours in the rainbow, why would they choose the colour of the host nation?” plainted commentator Keith Quinn, ignoring the fact that black didn’t get selected for the rainbow spectrum. The mighty Quinn is also ignoring the fact that we haven’t  had 100% Pure all black All Blacks for years.

At the 2007 RWC the All Blacks wore the doomed silver strip as France knocked us out in the quarter final. The tossers won a coin toss which allowed them to wear what is reputed to have been an especially darkened blue jersey.  Whatever happened to sacre bleu?

In the wake of this defeat the silver strip was then stripped and replaced, by, yes, a white away uniform. Did the Poms protest then? Kiwi fans certainly did. Now outraged New Zealand fans insist that the English team should stick to a lilly white strip to match their legs.

But the Get Our Gear Off–ers* have missed a whole fleet of buses.  It’s ironic that in an age of branding there are so many colour mutations in all sports regalia. Consumerism means flogging off to the punters this season’s differentiated strip so that last year’s is out of date. It has meant that that the hitherto fiercely protected colours of provincial and national teams have been put through the colour blender and covered in logos. To the Greeks logos meant meaning but today logos are meaningless.

The English Rugby team has already revealed its untrue colours and demonstrated that their word is not as good as their Bond. To further stir up already shaken Cantabrians the Pommie rugby team played in a black and red strip against Australia at Twickenham last November. The members of Twickers must also have got their knickers in a lemon twist and choked on their G&Ts. At least we still have Todd Blackadder. They only have Rowan Atkinson.

The fact is that the people who wear all black uniforms in New Zealand are the depressingly increasing number of Kiwi civilians who think black is the new black for all occasions.

(This is not the time to mention that, courtesy of my daughter who does their PR, I’m now wearing snappy PureblackRacing* cycle gear on my crappy 20 year old road bike for my Sunday spins. I do keep my face covered on cold mornings but with the number of letters to the editor protesting the wearing of burquas I may have to desist).

All Black skipper Richie McCaw is philisophically colour blind: “If it comes down to what colour you wear…we’ve got trouble I reckon.” After last week’s Super15 final we just might have.

However, on 30 July a new high-tech All Blacks jersey will be paraded when the national team plays Not South Africa at Westpac Stadium. Apart from some fabulous fibre for playing footy we expect, nay demand, the new jerseys to incorporate i-Phones for better on-field communication, GPS socks for more accurate goal-kicking, a digital surveying tool to ensure the lineout throws are straight and a laser pointer to show the forwards where to stand.

If teamwork won’t win the Webb Ellis Cup technology just might.

Bring back Buck Rogers!

*Blinks!/pages/Get-Our-Gear-Off/244644958896327   First win  Vid The Jersey Boys Big Boys Don’t Cry Either  Vid   Blackguard“Firefight”  

#Lyall Lukey 16 July 2011 My other (bit more serious) blog 


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