The World’s Crassest Indian Wedding?


 ‘Money can’t buy friends but you do get a better class of enemy.’  Spike Milligan

The challenge in planning most weddings, as a recent family example reminds me, is to reduce the guest list to manageable proportions not to expand it globally.

Not so with the invitation list to Auckland’s Bollywood wedding held over the past weekend, with Auckland doctor Pooja Chitgopeker marrying Chicago IT heir and millionaire Vikram Kumar (apparently no relation to the Kumars at No. 42*).

Held over three days the nuptials weren’t the world’s fastest Indian wedding but it was big. Invitees were both a Who’s Who and a Who’s Where of New Zealand, Indian and U.S. society.

No shows included Sarah Palin, the politically half-baked Alaskan. She was no doubt too busy fighting her own crass war with bluestockinged and -soxed  Republicans in the run up to nominations for the next Presidential election, though, as her tenuous geopolitical grasp of Korean politics recently indicated (“our allies North Korea”) she may have simply confused the North Island with the South Island and turned up at a tea party in Christchurch instead.  Donald Rumsfeld’s whereabouts were an unknown unknown. He may have been too busy still covering his own Bush tracks in his unfinished autobiography .                                   

Perhaps because of the absence of Republicans the organisers decided to can two planned pachyderms and settle for a seven horse drawn carriage, though not the glass one used by Prince Charles and Princess Di, even though the Kumar wedding was in Balmoral and the coach was available because Prince William and Kate have decided not to use it. Attendees  had to ignore the elephants not in the room as well as a planned pair of white lions which also didn’t make the final cut.

9 hired helicopters ferried the guests in a V for Vikram formation. The organisers missed a travelling trick here. They could have bought 17 obsolescent Aermacchi air trainers, with a matching number of Skyhawks thrown in if they’d only asked John Key in a p.s. to his invitation. (He didn’t make the nuptials either-the Key family arrived in Hawaii for their Xmas holidays about the same time the Obama family left, though diplomatic circles insist there was no cause and effect.)

Several past and present Indian cricket stars were also on the batting list for the wedding but were unavailable for selection. Perhaps a 3 day match was too long for them in this Twenty/ 20 era.

One person who may or may not have been on the invitation list to the blessed and blissful festivities was Winston Peters, a man who is always keen on parties, his own or other people’s. His wedding gift would have been well wrapped and accompanied by an appropriate gold card. Winston’s gifts are environmentally friendly: after 72 hours only the Cheshire Cat grin remains.

The wedding, including the spectacular two hour procession preceding it, will feature in the Indian TV series My Big Fat Indian Wedding.  While there were 450 guests in attendance, a more than respectable muster,  with so many absent subcontinent VIPs, not to mention other awol dignitaries, the proud parents may have over-catered somewhat.

A case of too many chefs and not enough Indians?

*BLINKS   The Kumars at No.42 

The Big Fat Indian Wedding – TV Show, Episode Guide & Schedule

#Lyall Lukey 11 Jan 2011 My other (bit more serious) blog


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