The Football WC Octopus v The Rugby WC Kea


 “Octopuses are highly intelligent, probably the most intelligent of all invertebrates, so how is New Zealand going to compete in the soothsaying stakes when we host the Rugby World Cup next year?” 

As we all know now, when it comes to prediction, Paul the psychic World Cup octopus  is no cephalopod plodder. His 100% correct 8 picks, an apt number for an octopus, during the 30 days of the Football World Cup Finals  have allowed him to mussel his way into a plum job without a 90 day trial.

Russian betting firm Bet League wants to buy Paul* from Sea Life Oceanarium in Oberhausen and set him up as a bookmaker.

Had the TAB been quicker off the mark and lured him down under, his new salary of $NZ7000 a month, when weighed in the statistical balance, would have helped close the wage gap with Australia. The missed opportunity is literally appalling.

Paul would have been odds-on favourite for a prime ministerial certificate of commendation.  Now he faces condemnation if he so much puts one of his four pairs of arms around the wrong lunch box.  His run of luck will come to an end and he’ll get the chop, though those who mention the word Calamari obviously do not realise that the Italian dish is a squid pro quo.

The Hawaiian creation myth relates that the present cosmos is only the last of a series, having arisen in stages from the wreck of the previous universe. In this account, the octopus is the lone survivor of the previous, alien universe.

This puts the bookies psychic sidekick with the very human eyes into an entirely new light. He’s got no need to worry if the end of the world is, indeed, nigh.

However, the bilaterally symmetric beast is also exclusively binary. He might accurately pick a winner while he eats his dinner but he would have been no use for any games featuring the All Whites. With their lineup of 3 goalies and 8 fullbacks they adopted defence as the best form of attack. In terms of the field of play, theirs was a game of one half. In their defence I have to say they were very good at what they did but Paul, as an either/or kind of creature, doesn’t do draws because there’s no cullinary pay off.

 Octopuses are obviously highly intelligent, probably the most intelligent of all invertebrates, so how is New Zealand going to compete in the soothsaying stakes when we host the Rugby World Cup next year?

To compete in the wildlife prediction stakes for RWC 2011 we are going to need to make a bird of it. Not the nocturnal, flightless Kiwi with the dodgy diet but that colourful and clever South Island aerial pirate, the Kea, one of the few alpine parrots in the world.

Kea are known for their intelligence and curiosity, both vital to their survival in a harsh mountain environment. As the astonishing video below demonstrates*, the neophiliac Kea can solve logical puzzles, such as pushing and pulling things in a certain order to get to food and will collaborate to achieve a desired objective.

Its notorious urge to explore and manipulate makes this cheeky and irrepressible bird both a pest for residents and an attraction for tourists. Called “the clown of the mountains”, the Kea is a notorious dismantler and destroyer. It is a fiddler on the roof without rival when it comes to stripping cars parked in South Island ski fields of their wiper blades, ski pads and other accessories.*

With its native cunning, plus some No. 8 wireless technology, the high flying Kea must be odds on favourite to administer a James Bond-like knockout blow to any Octopussy.*

Of course, the big question is this:  24 years after their sole successful RWC campaign, will the rather less colourful All Blacks finally be able to flip the bird to all their rivals? If not it will be the end of the universe as far as many Godzoners are concerned, if not for Paul.

Ask Kev the Kea before you buy tickets for the final, if there are any left- and if you can afford them.  If not you could always try Kelly Tartons and have a quick squizz at the squids and either the octopi or the octopuses.

#BLINKS  Vid  Paul The Octopus – music by Parry Gripp Great TedTalk.  Vid  Kea  Vid Octopussy  Vid Fiddler on the Roof-The Bottle   (Not sponsored by Heineken).

 #Lyall Lukey  26 July 2010 My other (bit more serious) blog


3 Responses to “The Football WC Octopus v The Rugby WC Kea”

  1. 1 NSA

    Again you triumph. A very good piece. Not only mixing metaphors but mashing them. (to say nothing of the topic lending itself to your phishing them!). Business lunches over the next wek ot two for me will include the phrase “squid pro quo” in my endeavours to get potential customers to calamari with me.
    Cheers, NSA

  2. 2 Keith Foote

    Dear Lyall

    I do not wish to cast against the the sanction of the NSA chap but it seeems that you are available to be diddled by rejection to the middle. The Kea is always quite high and the Octopus somewhat deepish. The reality however is that all the actual field references are half pie flattish.

    You have no doubt heard about the common Black Bird and the common Earthworm. Although the the latter are a methophor of putrefaction or corruption they just keep on rising to win in the wet fields. There they meet up to win against the common Black Bird. Tough match but in the end the BB will sing a song for sixpence and then will still be singing in the dead of night. Bless you. KCF.

  1. 1 Don’t Cry For Us Argentina « Blugger me

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