Crocodile Dumbdee: Why the bloody hell are you?


“I just wanted to play with it”.  Unfortunately not the last words of Michael Newman

Having earlier been swept out of a Broome, W.A. tavern for being drunk, itinerant Oz “tourist” Michael Newman clocked up his Warhol quarter of an hour of fame by climbing into the enclosure of a 5 m crocodile at a local crocodile park and climbing onto its back because “he wanted to give it a pat”.*

 Luckily for him but unfortunately for the health of the gene pool*, it didn’t cost him at least an arm and a leg, the minimum fee usually exacted by large saltwater crocs for close encounters of the fourth kind.

The croc,  known to his friends as Fatso, was perhaps in a post-prandial torpor on a cool evening. Had Fatso been a little thinner and less sluggish the aspiring Crocodile Dundee would have got more than nasty lacerations and would have needed some new parts.  Newman indeed.

As it was he didn’t qualify for entry into the posthumous Darwin awards*, named like the NT town after Charles, because he was merely dopey, not terminally deceased, though some may prefer the term brain dead.

 Perhaps he can be encouraged to try again in a while, crocodile* and help reboot the frozen Australian Where the bloody hell are you?  tourist campaign* Switching the focus from external to internal tourism and promoting the sport of bareback crocodile riding  could help solve looming unemployment at the same time as boosting internal visitor numbers to Broome, Darwin and other unmentionable places beyond the black stump. 

Crocodile Bungee  would also help make some of New Zealand’s hairier tourist adventure activities look a little safer by comparison, boost our tourist numbers and-this is key- help close the income gap between Oz and us.

 *BLINKS   Chlorinating the Gene Pool!  Evolution in Action!  Vid  Crocodile …Dumb Dee Vid Crocodile Dundee Trailer  Vid Bill Haley and the Comets  See You Later Alligator from the movie Rock Around the Clock, 1956    CLASSIC  Vid  Where the bloody hell are you?  Spoof

 #Lyall Lukey 17 July 2010 My other (bit more serious) blog


One Response to “Crocodile Dumbdee: Why the bloody hell are you?”

  1. 1 NSA

    Excellent little note. Thank you. Reminded me of the old joke about the two hippies on a jetty in a Florida swamp, gently puffing herbal cigarettes and contemplating the universe.
    “Say man”, said the first,”an aligator just bit my leg off!”
    “Which one?”, asked his friend.
    “Dunno”, he replied, “you seen one alligator, you seen ’em all.”

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